A month without...

Chocolate.
I love chocolate.
I love it so much.

All those eecards about chocolate and food? It's like they're talking about me. I just freakin love food, and if it has chocolate? I'm stunk.
 

A little bit of chocolate is never a bad thing. Hey, I love dark chocolate and 2 squares with some almonds and coconut oil? Delicious!

However...

Lately chocolate has become a burden on my back. And stomach. And thighs.

It's no good.

I have a sweet tooth that's the size of Quebec.

It's huge. Fruits, candy, and baking, oh my! Although I hardly ever eat packaged junk food anymore (thanks primal blueprint!) I have a weak spot for baked goods and fruit. Fruit I can handle because it's hard to overeat, but baked good? Feh, I could eat 4 muffins before I realize I feel sick and back off. It's not healthy.

And now I'm starting to do the same thing with chocolate. It's gotten so bad that I'm melting a small bowl of chocolate chips and eating it straight up, with a spoon.

So, considering that this is totally unhealthy, and I don't want my son being around someone who does this repeatedly, and I would like to lose weight, I've decided to go without chocolate for a whole month. This is mostly to prove to myself that I can.

I already have instigated a 'no wheat' diet to stop binging on bagels and other delicious baked goods that are terrible for my skin and waistline, so I'm adding chocolate to the ban. I'll be talking about this quite a bit, I'm sure, since I tend to obsess about food. But hopefully it's a funny obsession and not the 'boy, she is sure loser-bait' obsession...

So. It is 2:51pm Thursday afternoon, June 5, 2014. No wheat and no chocolate. God and Goddess help us all.
Goodbye my love...

Making the best of things

When I first moved here to our little village, it was a hard transition because I missed my dream job (in a library), I missed my friends and I missed the convenience of city life. My new job sucked, Big C was working a ton so I hardly saw him, and I'm pretty shy so it was hard to make friends. Plus, I grew up in a small town and had no intentions of going back to that kind of lifestyle. 'WHY THE HELL DID YOU MOVE THEN?!' is the question I can hear being asked. The answer is as lame as it is a classic. I was in love with Big C and I wanted to be with him. We'd been dating for 2 years and it was time to commit to each other. I had just graduated and now had the freedom to move. He has a great job out here that paid more than mine, so it made sense for me to come to him, rather than the other way around. Etc, Etc.

So, after a few months of moping and getting used to my sucky job with my sucky supervisor, I decided to get over myself and make the best of things. I drove to the nearest city once a week and had some cafe au lait in a coffee shop. I spent time in craft stores and looked at pretty things. I went to the mall and bought nice clothes to wear at the office (because the first step to feeling good is looking good, or so they say.) And I scrapbooked. I scrapbooked the shit out of my life. I took a picture a day of something good (or funny, or meaningful, etc) and I scrapbooked. It forced me to focus on the good in my life and it marked many a special occasion that I can look back on with alarming accuracy.

 

My scrapbooks (under a beagle calendar, of course)!

This is something I want for Little C. I want him to be able to look back on his life and see happiness. I want him to know without a doubt that we cared about his life and experiences. That we love him. I mean, I know he'll know that, but I want him to have something tangible to remember us by. Having Little C shoved my own mortality in my face. Someday, if the gods are kind, he will bury me and his dad when we die of old age (rather than the other way around) and rather than have 'stuff' (ie plates, knicknacks, etc) to remember us by, I'd like him to have our memories. I already write letters to Little C, but sometimes pictures are easier to trigger memories.

I received a scrapbook from one of Big C's cousins, so I'll start with this. When Little C is napping, and when Big C is spending time with him in the evenings, I can use these minutes to scrapbook. Here's hoping we get some decent pictures!

Wedding Memories

So Big C and I were featured in a wedding magazine! How GLAMOROUS... (see previous post). I would suggest to anyone to check out Wedding Bells, there are some pretty unique and beautiful weddings to gather inspiration from!






Go here if you want to see more pictures of our wedding by the amazing memories by me photography!

Wishing

So...despite the title of this blog, I'm not actually crazy. At least not certifiably or anything like that. I don't think I ever clarified that. I'm just zany. Like an old black and white comedy.

 

Some people just get those movies and others are like 'I don't understand...Is this art?'


But the one thing I wish, like REALLY wish, is that I was glamorous. I'm not sure why. I'm the most low-key, low-maintenance person I know. It might be a grass is greener thing. But I wish I could look at pictures and be like, YES. THAT IS ME! GLAMAZON AND PHYSICAL BEAUTY EXTRAORINAIRE.




But other times I realize that's not me. I mean, my feet really hurt after walking a mile in sneakers so how could I possibly wear sky-highs? I'm really overweight and doughy after having Little C on March 1 and I can't seem to get my act in gear to lose the fat.

 Mr Little C (and my chicken giblet)

 And in order to afford the cosmetics one would need to be a glamazon, one needs to have a steady income which, being on Mat leave, is something I don't, and won't have until February 2015. I suppose Big C could be my sugar daddy for a few months, but that just seems wrong.

Since having Little C, I've realized that I want to be the kind of mom that is above all, a mom. I put him first. But it's all very complicated because I am not his only caretaker. I mean, yes, I'm with him all day, but Big C is an excellent Dad. I have no qualms about taking an hour or two in the evening and doing my own thing because I trust Big C with our son, absolutely. I guess what I mean is, I want to be the kind of mom that makes sure her kids know that I am there for them 100%. No matter what I'm doing I will drop whatever it is to help them. Is that unhealthy? Maybe. But there it is.

So...how to find balance through all this? I want to be there for Big and Little C, but I want to fulfill my wishes as well. Is there a way to do both? I think so, but I haven't figured it out yet.

Maybe I need to come up with some flexible 'rules' to live by that will enable me to reach my goal of becoming a glamazon. (I think this whole 'glamazon' thing is sort of like reaching a number on the scale. It's fleeting, but satisfying at the same time.)

The problem is, I don't live a glamorous life. I'm not a model. I don't live in a city. One of my idols is Dita Von Teese, but we couldn't be more opposite. I am a work horse and she is a show horse. And there's no way I can be a show horse. But maybe, just maybe, I could be a work horse disguised as a show horse?

  (Not a show horse...But not a race horse either...)

First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage...

Big C and I started dating in 2008 and were together 5 years before we got married. We had a long distance relationship for the first 2 years, as I was still in Winnipeg attending the University of Manitoba and he was working in a village about an hour and a half away. Once I graduated, I got a job in said village and moved in with Big C, since he was totally NOT going to move back to Winnipeg. He grew up in Winnipeg and just didn't like city life. He much prefers small towns and the country.

That same year, in autumn 2010, we moved into our new house. It is small (only one bedroom at the time) but since it was just the two of us, we certainly didn't need big. It has a beautiful backyard, where we cultivated a fair-sized garden and I often read under the big willow tree.

Our house during the Holidays

Picking radishes from our garden







Right after we moved into our new house, we adopted a beagle puppy! We named her Peggy Sue and we spoil her rotten.

 








Then on Mabon in 2011, Big C proposed...

Yes he really did put the ring in a kinder surprise. I had a sneaking suspicion of what what happening but I went along with it, because who the heck is lucky enough to have a man propose with a kinder surprise!?





And on June 1, 2013 we had the most awesomesauce wedding.

                                  

Like most people say, it was truly a wonderful day and I'll never forget it, hopefully, for as long as I live.

One wedding, one honeymoon, and one baby on the way.

So I just finished reading my last post on here, which was in March. Man, the stress I put myself under was phenomenal. And the asshat-ery that others threw in front of Big C and I was easy to deal with, when all was said and done although it sure didn't feel easy at the time. Perspective is a bitch.

I'm not going to go into a big speech about weddings and the stress brides put themselves under to have the 'perfect day'. There are already hundreds, heck, there are probably thousands of articles on the web on how to deal with wedding stress. There are a few good ones out there like this one or this one and most of them all say the same things: Relax. However you can, take yourself out of the wedding world and remind yourself that life is not about the wedding, it's about the marriage. Spa day, massage, swimming, meditating, visits with friends, etc.

Our wedding day came and flew by so fast it was unreal. From the morning we got up to arriving at the cabin for our first night as a married couple, everything was wonderful and if bad things happened, I was oblivious.

I wanted to post a few pics of our wedding day, courtesy of our AWESOME photographer, Memories by Me Photography but my laptop is being a major pain in the ass right now, so I will hopefully get them set up in my next post.

I'll also post about our honeymoon, with a few pics of our travels. We went to the U.K and Northern Ireland, with a quick day trip to Paris thrown in for good measure.

And then the grand finale, as if the title of this post couldn't give it away... We're expecting baby #1 in late February! I haven't taken any pregnancy pics, mostly because I just think it's a waste of pictures, cuz who wants to see yet ANOTHER pregnancy photo? But I would like to talk about some of the experiences I've had since getting pregnant.

Today I've been working on some treasury stuff for a non-profit that I volunteer for. Anyone who knows me is probably baffled by that sentence because A) I hate math, numbers and all things accounting and B) I HATE MATH, NUMBERS AND ALL THINGS ACCOUNTING.

It's not so terrible, it's just that I'm not good at it. If one number doesn't add up right, or isn't accounted for, I'm hooped. I can't find it. I don't want to find it. Ask me to weave a story, or go crafting, or shopping for that hard-to-buy-for-person, or ANYTHING and I'll do it. I'll even do accounting. But that doesn't mean I'll like it, or that I'll do a good job at it.

 So the point is, I'm trying to get this bookwork done this weekend so we can have our meeting and I can stop thinking about it until March, which is when the whole thing starts over again. It's my first year doing this so it's all cocked up, but now that I know the ropes a bit better, I can do a better job of it next year.

Toodles...

food IS medicine, you fuckers!

Lately I've been living off potatoes and cheese.

It is terrible, and no good. I'm officially done with shitty eating. I'm determined to turn my life around. I can't be unhappy anymore. Yoga and puppies and art make me happy. This is what I will concentrate on. And good clean food.

Big C's mom called this past Sunday to let us know that she was really unhappy with our wedding invitations. This call took place 2 weeks after they had been mailed out to the guests. Way to upset the bride, bitch, way to go.

The problem she had with it was that her name is on the same line as her ex-husband, as the parents of Big C. Apparently their names being on the same line makes it seem like they are still together? I don't know. They've been divorced for 25 years. She's been remarried for 20 years. Everyone in Big C's family knows this. My family knows this. All our friends know this. I don't know who the fuck would think that they're a couple. If she can't differentiate between being the mother and father of the groom and being a couple, then that's her problem, not mine. She is totally entitled to her opinion, but that doesn't mean she has to be mean about it. I agonized over invitations. I researched for weeks on proper wording for divorced parents of the groom. The major consensus was to put the parents on the same line with their different names. Yes, we didn't include Big C's stepdad, but we had talked about it. We could have made it work if Big C had wanted his name on there, but he didn't because he doesn't consider his step-dad a father figure, but sees him as his mom's husband.

IT'S COMPLICATED! FUCK!

Anyways, I was really upset and bawled my eyes out because what she did was phone and basically hurt my feelings and baffle Big C. It was totally unproductive and usless and hurtful. If it had really meant something to her she should have said something earlier. You DON'T call 2 weeks after they've been mailed out to berate the bride and groom for their choice!

THERAPY! GO GET IT!

Anyways, I'm really tired right now. I've had a glass of wine with my potatoes and cheese (becuase I'm SO healthy..... :(  but seriously, I'm starting now. Watch me be the most annoying documenting healthy eater EVER) and I'm in bed and everything (even though I'm fully dressed) but I've got to put some socks on and head to the bar to play darts. Heck yes! Coffee and water!