Some people just get those movies and others are like 'I don't understand...Is this art?'
But the one thing I wish, like REALLY wish, is that I was glamorous. I'm not sure why. I'm the most low-key, low-maintenance person I know. It might be a grass is greener thing. But I wish I could look at pictures and be like, YES. THAT IS ME! GLAMAZON AND PHYSICAL BEAUTY EXTRAORINAIRE.
But other times I realize that's not me. I mean, my feet really hurt after walking a mile in sneakers so how could I possibly wear sky-highs? I'm really overweight and doughy after having Little C on March 1 and I can't seem to get my act in gear to lose the fat.
And in order to afford the cosmetics one would need to be a glamazon, one needs to have a steady income which, being on Mat leave, is something I don't, and won't have until February 2015. I suppose Big C could be my sugar daddy for a few months, but that just seems wrong.
Since having Little C, I've realized that I want to be the kind of mom that is above all, a mom. I put him first. But it's all very complicated because I am not his only caretaker. I mean, yes, I'm with him all day, but Big C is an excellent Dad. I have no qualms about taking an hour or two in the evening and doing my own thing because I trust Big C with our son, absolutely. I guess what I mean is, I want to be the kind of mom that makes sure her kids know that I am there for them 100%. No matter what I'm doing I will drop whatever it is to help them. Is that unhealthy? Maybe. But there it is.
So...how to find balance through all this? I want to be there for Big and Little C, but I want to fulfill my wishes as well. Is there a way to do both? I think so, but I haven't figured it out yet.
Maybe I need to come up with some flexible 'rules' to live by that will enable me to reach my goal of becoming a glamazon. (I think this whole 'glamazon' thing is sort of like reaching a number on the scale. It's fleeting, but satisfying at the same time.)
The problem is, I don't live a glamorous life. I'm not a model. I don't live in a city. One of my idols is Dita Von Teese, but we couldn't be more opposite. I am a work horse and she is a show horse. And there's no way I can be a show horse. But maybe, just maybe, I could be a work horse disguised as a show horse?

No comments:
Post a Comment