It's 2:00am and I am ANGRY.
I'm hating my life right now. All I want to do is come home and go to sleep happy. Is that too much to ask?
I can't even turn the damn tv on. We got a new receiver/speakers and fiancee never showed me the ropes, and every button I push either doesn't do anything productive or it makes things worse. And when I asked fiancee about it, he's so drunk (from both booze and sleep) he can't give me a straight answer.
I hate him. And I hate the tv.
I don't know what to do with myself. I didn't go for a walk today. I can't get adequate sunlight because it's winter in Manitoba and that means darkness from 5pm to 8am. I didn manage to avoid grains today, whoohoo. But I didn't play. Although I did use my brain, sort of.
We play darts on wednesday, because that is what fiancee likes to do for fun. Don't get me wrong, I like playing darts too. But I like to be home by 10 on a wednesday night and tucked into bed on an empty stomach. What I don't like to do is come home at 11pm half drunk and pissed off because not only did I not avoid grains by drinking, I also drank pop with it as well. And not only that, I can't sleep after drinking, and I'm wired from being around a lot of people.
Suffice to say, I dread Wednesday nights.
I mean, I brushed my teeth, and I can still taste stale diet 7 and rye on my breath.
And the damn TV won't work. So I can't even watch some tv or a movie to try and drift off to sleep. I'm stuck wandering around like an idiot. I even baked 2 potatoes and ate them with shredded cheese and butter in an attempt to pass the time.
Ugh, I have to go brush my teeth again.
And what's REALLY pissing me off is the fact that the sweater that used to be just right, and then became WAY to big (to my everlasting pleasure) is now starting to become fitted again.
I JUST CAN'T FUCKING WIN!!
I'm all alone in this battle against food. I have no ally, and I have no help. And the whole thing just makes me want to cry.
Huh, how about that. After my meal of potatoes and cheese, my nose stuffed up like crazy.
OK. List of things to avoid.
I seriously hate my life. Everything about it sucks. How do I change this without hurting anyone? How do I know I'm making the right decision if I decide to be proactive?
Wah Wah Wah.